you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
