I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
