So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
