the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
