New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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