After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
