I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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