I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
