I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
