john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
