What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
