Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
