Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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