Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
