Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
