are you still at the devil's house?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
