Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
