he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
