how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
