I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
