A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
