Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
