You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
