Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
