tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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