Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
