Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
