You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
