I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
