i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
