Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
