Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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