oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
