her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
