maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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