i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
