if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
