You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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