oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
