Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
