5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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