Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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