So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
