The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
