Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
