community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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