could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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