Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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