throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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