I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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