dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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